State of Anger
by ThirteenColonies
Summary: It's when his eyes do this thing, where they almos' glaze ova', like they ain't seeing what's really in front of 'em, but they still hold this passion. It's at that moment, that we all know we've plunged into dangerous waters. When Mikey lets go of his seemingly never-ending positivity and joy, and has finally had enough, all hell breaks loose... *2007 movie*
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! This my first fanfiction, so any suggestions are welcomed! I've always wanted to write a fanfic about TMNT, with this following storyline, so hopefully it came out okay. Thanks for reading!**

**And I DO NOT own Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, or anything affiliated with them, unfortunately.**

It's when his eyes do this thing, where they almos' glaze ova', like they ain't seeing what's really in front of 'em, but they still hold this passion. It's at that moment, when we all know we've plunged into dangerous waters. It takes so much to push him over the edge, seriously, it's prob'ly happened a good five times in all our years, but when it does happen, it's scary. Hey, I know what it's like to lose ya' temper, but this, it's somethin' else. When Mike gets angry, and finally loses his grip on his seemingly never-ending, stupid positivity and light, all hell breaks loose…

"Guys, stop watching TV and meet me in the dojo, we're going to go over some katas." announced Leo as he freakin' struts into the livin' room like he owns the place.

"With Master Splinter? We already had practice, why is he going over another one?" asks Don as his head popped out of his lab.

"No, he's at April's helping her train, this one will be with me. You guys seemed a little sloppy during practice, so I thought another one was in need, set you back straight." he replied with a smile, as if he actually thinks we wanna go through anotha' two gruelin' hours of katas. Yeah, I don't think so. So I speak up, gotta stand up for my two little bros.

"Leo, we don't need another freakin' practice, our moves are just fine, stop tryin' to push us harder than we need to be." I protest. It's been a good four months, since he returned from South America, an' the whole time he's been actin' all high an' mighty because he spent a couple years by himself in a jungle. Don't gemme wrong, tha's cool and all, but it don't give you tha' right to boss us around like ya' little workers. We're brothers for God's sake.

"Raph, I'm not 'pushing you harder than you need to be', I'm trying to help you. It'll just be a little extra work, so your moves in battle can be precise and more effective."

"Leooooo, c'mon! Just take a little break, relax, have some fun! 'All work and no play makes Leo a dull boy'!"

"Michelangelo, this is serious! What if one of you guys' feet accidentally slip when performing a Full Cross jump kick, or a Bronze Eagle flip? That could mean a Purple Dragon getting a hit on you, which could mean getting hurt, and I can't see you guys get hurt out there."

"Leo, first of all, I highly doubt, with all of my heart, one of us will 'slip' on a Full Cross jump kick, that's just pathetic, dude. We've gotten hurt before, and we're still up and standing! The PD's will certainly not bring us down, have a little faith! I'm quite offended, actually, thinking we couldn't hold some little Dragons!" ended Mikey while puttin' his hand over his heart, an' staggerin' back, actin' as though he'd been stabbed, with his stupid, little smirk on his face.

"I'm not joking! Is that what this is to you, Michelangelo? A joke? You're always trying to cover up the truth of our situation with silly humor. It's time to face the light. Ever since I left, you guys have been slacking off, now that I'm back, things will be more in order now." he spat righ' back.

Don an' I saw each other, havin' the same look on our faces. This could be bad, back when we was kids, Leo an' Mike always got along real well. They always agreed on stuff, never fought, pretty weird considerin' their opposite personalities. Anyways, with them, you almost always knew there would be harmony. Almost. It's when they butted heads, when things got scary. Always ended up with someone in the makeshift infirmary Masta' Splinta' had. That's also kinda how we discovered Mike's "temper".

When I looked back at Mikey, I could kinda tell he was hurt, slight sadness invaded his eyes, but it was gone quicker than it came.

"Leo, I know when to be serious. And who are you to tell us we're slackin' off? You stop trying to act as though you're higher than us, we're all brothers here, dude!" Mikey yelled, I could tell he was really startin' to get angry.

"You think you know when to be serious? Sorry Mikey, but I doubt that. Always laughing and humoring yourself while on missions, disrupting our stealth! It doesn't help. Better straighten out your own shell soon, you're bringing us down."

"Leo! Stop, this is getti-" Don tried to stop what we both knew what was to come, but he was cut off by Mike.

"No it's okay, Donnie, I got it, I understand now. Leo thinks that I'm bring you guys down. That I'm slowing all of your paces. You know who's the one slowing us down here, Leo? You. You left us for almost **_two years_**, one year of that included us waiting every, single, freaking day for your "independent" ass to walk through that goddamn door. Let me tell you something, that door never opened. Not until four months ago. Do you think four months will make up for two years, Leo?! Do ya?! Because I got some news for you, buddy. You can't just walk back in here and act like nothing's wrong. **_Everything is wrong, Leo! _**So before you start trying to 'straighten **our **shells', maybe you should check your own." he yelled, walkin' away, his back to all of us.

His yells resonated through the lair, an' it wasn't his happy, thriller yell, either. It was his scary one. His "calm before the storm" scream. We all saw his eyes jus' quiverin' over the edge of losin' themselves. It's what Leo said next, that decided their plunge into the pure, red anger.

"Stop kidding yourself Michelangelo, you're a **_liability_**."

That's when the last straw was drawn. No matter what kinda fight we're in, we almos' never use that word. It's kinda the breakin' point, like a curse word to us. It's really a low blow, an' we all know it. Masta' Splinta' always tries to tell us that each of us help the team, each have our own… "assets". Sayin' you're a liability? That's like saying we don't need you in this fight anymore, you're useless.

Mike stopped dead in his tracks, not movin' a single muscle. "What?" he spat.

"I said you're a lia-" whatever Leo meant to get out, it never made it. Mikey grabbed his nunchucks, an' spun them above his head at a ridiculous pace, while runnin' full speed towards Leo. One second, you almos' think you're outta the woods, and he ain't mad no more, the next, he's got this look to kill. That's how Mike works. As I see him rush by, I could see the pure anger an' rage, pent up inside his little body. Leo pushed him, an' there was no goin' back.

As Mike, brought down his chucks, Leo blocked them with his withdrawn katanas, swipin' him back. "What do you bring to this team?! **Nothing**. I'm tired of treating you like a baby, it's time **_grow up_**, Michelangelo." Leo screamed as he swung, but Mikey was lost in his own anger. He took his nunchuck an' wrapped it around the sword, pullin' back, sending it clattering to the other side of the room. I saw fear, quickly flash on Leo's face, finally realizin' Mike was furious. He finally saw the potential for danger.

Mike swung, Leo blocked. Mikey raged, Leo feared. Don an' me tried to interfere, but that could only make things worse. We had never seen Mike fight like this, only when he got in this state of anger, he was dominatin'. Leo had lost both weapons, and was desperately tryin' to block Michelangelo's rapid punches an' kicks. Mikey long forgot his nunchucks, now jus' usin' his fists an' legs. He kept hittin' him in the weak spots, like the ribs an' face. Leo was goin' to go down, quick. Mikey swept his leg under Leo's, but Leo jumped. What Leo didn't see comin', was Mike flippin' over him, mid-flip, kickin' Leo in the shell, sendin' him flyin' forward.

As Mike whipped around, he grabbed Leo's katana that was on the ground, an' like a fox, ran over an' swiped down towards Leo, he had no control. But I saw this comin', an' as he was about to make contact with Leo's rough skin an' the deadly sharp metal, I tackled him.

I knew what it was like to lose control, only seein' red, needin' to release the fire that is threatenin' to spill over you. Everyone's containment of their rage has different limits, but it's always there. You feel like you're wakin' up after you've calmed down, realizin' an' regrettin' so much, what just happened.

Mike struggled under my weight, I placed my knees on top of his plastron. He tried kickin' an' punchin', I'm not sure he was even aware it was me on top of him. I locked his hands down on the ground with mine.

"Let me go!" he screamed.

"Michelangelo, CALM DOWN!" I raged right back. I even used his full name. He needed to see what happened. Leo was layin' bruised an' bloody on the ground, I needed to help Mike, like he always did for me, it was my turn.

It was when I punched him across the face, hard, trying to get him to land his feet back in the space of reality, when he finally saw what he did. He first looked up at me, with fierce eyes, an' then, it all melted. He looked over, and saw Leo. He looked around, an' it really dawned on him. I could feel the regret, coming off of him in waves. Oh, how I understood.

I got off of him, knowin' he would be safe. He sat up, usin' his knees for support, an' lay his bloody hands on the cold, cement ground, limp beside him. Tears started streamin' down his cheeks.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I-"

I engulfed him in my arms, "Hey, hey, hey, it's okay, Mike. It's okay." He needed a hug. He needed someone to understand. He needed a brother.

**A/N: I took a little different approach on Raph's character. Instead of his usual brooding, rough and tough persona, I made him more of an understanding brother. And it was hard trying to put his accent into the writing! And I know Leo acts like a total jerk in here, but I had to, to make it work! Trust me, I love Leo to death. I hope you guys enjoyed, please review! Thanks!**

**-ThirteenColonies**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Oh my gosh you guys, this is amazing! When I put on this story, I was literally expecting NOTHING. Seriously, zero, zilch. Ten minutes after I posted it, I had already gotten 5 views! I'm now at 121, and I know to many, that's nothing, but to me it means the world! You guys are all so sweet and supportive! I want to personally thank,**

**Vickyaisha**

**purplefern**

**Turtlefanforlife1982**

**Ninjago1019**

**for reviewing my story, and giving me helpful tips and supportive comments. Really, this all meant so much to me! Some wanted me to post another chapter, so I decided, why not? This one's a bit shorter. Reviews and tips are GREATLY welcomed! Hopefully, this one is just as good, enjoy!**

"Don't act like you didn't know that would happen." I chastised Leo, who was sitting on our make-shift cot, in my lab, and occasionally the infirmary, for times like these.

Once Mike finally came out of his red-rage, I was relieved, it was all over. Or so I thought. When Mikey "woke up", Raph did something I would have never expected. He hugged Mikey. Raphael Hamato hugged Michelangelo Hamato. He kept comforting him, and finally picked him up off the ground, and they went to his room. I'm pretty sure they went on a walk in the sewers, maybe topside. I wouldn't know, for I was busy in my lab, repairing the broken Leo.

Once I had gotten over my astonishment, I looked to Leo. The dude wasn't looking to good. Awful, in fact. Gosh, I had known this was going to happen before it even started. I wish I had taken bigger steps to stop this, but I feel as though if that happened, I would have been the one laying on the ground, half conscious and bloody.

Being the doctor of the house, or lair, I went over and picked Leo up off the cold, hard, unforgiving concrete. With his arm slung over my shoulder, I walked/dragged him over to my lab, so he could get the medical attention he obviously needed.

As I turned around from my sink, with a warm washcloth in my hand, I saw that the great Leonardo was finally becoming aware of his surroundings. He started blinking his eyes, and I saw his left hand start to reach for his damaged face.

"Hey, hey, hey! Stop right there buddy," I ran over and gently grabbed his hand to stop him from touching his tender head, "trust me, you don't want to feel that right now."

"Mmmhhggh" was his response. I think translation for that would either be, "What happened?" or "Who hit me with a sack of bricks?" 50/50.

"Remember? Our dear little brother beat the shit out of you. Ring a bell?" I tried to lighten the mood with some dark humor, but I wasn't too sure Leo was quite feelin' it at that moment.

As I spoke those words, Leo's brown eyes widened, remembering what happened a good ten minutes ago, "Oh God…."

"Don't act like you didn't know that would happen." I chastised. We were all full aware of Mikey's umm… "temper". It honestly didn't ever get out of control. The only time I actually remember it happening was when either Mikey bottled up his feelings, one of us went too far, or someone threatened to hurt us. We all knew of it, but we weren't always cautious of it, since it was so rare. But in those rare times, the result was always bad.

I started to wipe the dripping blood of his face, staining my white cloth. "You're an idiot." I say.

"Yeah… I know." But only then, do I realize, that maybe he didn't. Leo's been in a damn jungle for the past two years, I wouldn't be surprised if he had forgotten small things about his family. Now, I'm not feeling sorry for the guy, definitely not. He wasn't even supposed to be there for that long, that was all his choice. His stupid freaking choice.

"Did it ever occur to you, somewhere in that time, what would happen if you sent him over the edge?" I myself started to realize what Leo had really done! He called Mikey a **_liability_**. That's that golden word for, 'Get lost, we don't need you anymore.'

"I didn't know that Mikey was so upset! I was just trying to help you guys improve."

"By saying we were slacking, and that Michelangelo was bringing the team down? Great tactic."

"Donnie, I already know what I did, you don't need to remind me. And honestly, I don't think I'm the total bad guy in this one! Don't give me that look, aren't I the one on this medical table?!"

"But think of the reason your on this medical table, Leo. What happened? I'm going to be honest here, you're probably the most level-headed out of all of us, yet whenever you and Mikey butt heads, it's like World War III. But this? This is going to far. You practically said we didn't need Mikey in this team anymore. What were you thinking?"

"I _wasn't_ thinking, Donatello! God, I didn't think it would go so far! I was done with all of you pretending that we were in tip top shape! If we are attacked right now, no way we would be able to hold up, I think both you and I know that. You guys know you've been slacking, not my fault Mikey couldn't see that!"

"Damn it, Leo!" I yelled, backing up from his face, throwing the towel down, "You can't just push him like that! We all know this. Even if he didn't have that temper, you don't call your **_brother _**a liability. That's crossing the line Leo. He isn't a liability either, far from it. You know what he did for us when you were gone, Leo?! You don't the half of what went on when you were gone! Don't try and say he jeopardizes our missions either, because even you know that's bullshit." I had had it with him. I love my brother, but sometimes it takes a little for him to see what's going on.

"Mikey is a six-year old stuck in a 18-year old's body. You guys need to stop treating him like a baby! It's not helping him."

"Treating him like a baby? What are you talking about? He's a six-year old because he can keep a smile on his face? Mikey may not be the sharpest tool in the shed, and he may be immature sometimes, but he doesn't bring this team down. He keeps us going. We all have our faults. Raph has a temper, I get distracted too easily, and you Leo? You don't even know your own team." I end with a scowl. I pick the towel back up and wipe the rest of the blood off his face.

"I don't know my own team? I think I know my family, Donatello."

"Do you? Because it seems in those two years you were gone, you left behind sixteen years of memories as well."

"What is that supposed to mean? That I no longer am close with any of you guys? That I barely know you? I know your guys' biggest fears, your biggest dreams, your faults, your strengths, how you think, how you fight, everything! I care endlessly for all of you! Is this really all about Mikey?"

"Of course not, Leonardo! It never was! This is about how ever since you came back, nothing's been the same. When's the last time any of us have been together, as just brothers? Raph's always with Casey, fighting goons in the streets. You're always training in the dojo, running on rooftops, or meditating by yourself. I'm always holed up in my lab, inventing and helping idiots trying to fix their computers. And Mikey? Mikey's probably the only one trying to patch us back together, he'll probably have to pick his job back up soon. I'm surprised he didn't blow up earlier, actually."

"Are you trying to say this is my fault? It may be my fault that I didn't come back when I was needed, and I'm sorry, but you know what I'm not responsible for?! Our torn family. It's not my fault that everyone seems to think I've changed, like I'm no longer your older brother! As though I wasn't the one that protected you guys from the monsters that crept in the shadows, or comforted you after nightmares, or picked you all up when you fell down! What the hell happened to those years, Donatello?! Don't tell me that I've 'lost' sixteen years of my life, just because two of them were spent away from you."

"Then tell me this, Leonardo. Why do I feel as though the brother that left two years ago, came back a stranger."

Those were my final words to him. It shut him up for the rest of the time that I patched up his booboos. He had a slight fracture in his snout, as well in his bottom, left rib, but I couldn't put a cast around them. I bandaged his knuckles, as well as the lacerations on his face. I stitched up a long cut on the side of his head, gave him ice for the bruises, and pain medication for the fractures that I wasn't able to cast. Told him that he had a slight concussion, so no serious activities for about a week.

After all that, I sent the stranger, that was once my brother, out my door.

**A/N: This one was, obviously, in Don's P.O.V., because I thought he was really neglected in my first chapter. Leo is still acting like a bit of an a-hole, and I'm really sorry! I just needed it, to work. There will be another chapter after this, focusing on what happened after with Mike and Raph. Again, you guys thank you so much to the reviews, favorites, and follows, they mean more than anything to me. Hopefully you liked this one, thank you! Please review, love you guys!**

**-ThirteenColonies**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys… Heh heh…. I guess I should start out with an apology. I'm so so so so sorry this update came so late! I'm going on a month long trip to Greece, so everything's been pretty hectic with preparing to leave and everything. Hopefully, this next chapter will make up for the wait! Not so sure they'll be another chapter after this one, counting the fact I won't be able to update for a month. If there is, then I'll try and put it up as soon as I get back. Thank you all so much for the favorites and reviews and follows and everything! Each positive message sends my heart flying! You all give me such great tips, and help me so much! Thank you. And now, we finally have the 3rd, and possibly final, chapter for State of Anger….**

It's when Raph hugged me, that I truly realized the reality of previous events. It's when he wiped away the sad that trailed my cheeks, that my eyes finally cleared from the red. It's when he held me in his brotherly embrace, and comforted me, that I actually came to the current, and registered that if Raphael Hamato was hugging me, it must have been bad.

I didn't want to look over at my bleeding brother, but my eyes had other ideas.

When I saw the mix of red and green, my sobs only became worse. At this time, I could care less if crying was a sign of weakness, my dam was broken, and there was nothing I could do to fix it right now. If that meant I was weak, then so be it.

I subconsciously felt Raph pick me up off the ground. My mind wasn't really all there. The sight of the broken and battered Leo, _my brother_, kept flashing across my eyes. Reminding me each time that _I_ was the one that caused the image. I look back to see my nunchucks, still laying where I left them, stained red. Raph's got his shoulder around me, and I'm leaning most of my weight onto him.

We start walking away, but then my mind started going into hyperdrive, when I heard Leo's voice break the silence.

Next to him is Don, trying to assess the damage. He slowly picks him up off the ground, I'm assuming to bring to his lab.

I can't just leave the destruction I caused. I try to turn back, I need to see Leo's alright. To relinquish the fear and anxiety of not knowing the true length of hurt I had done. I scramble out of Raph's heavy hold, and try to run back to Don's lab, when I feel a calloused hand grasp my wrist. I look behind me to see Raph, but he's not staring at me with his hard, amber eyes. He's looking down, like he feels guilty for something. Pity.

"You know you can't go in there Mike, not yet." Yeah. Definitely guilt. Definitely pity. Gotta love it all.

I struggle against the contact feebly, too drained to fight against yet another brother. "Please, Raph." I plead. I just need to know.

He finally looks up, and it's when he does, that my mouth clamps shut, and it's my turn to look down, and give up the battle of strength. I then figure out, why Raph kept his head down. Raphael's eyes were brimmed with sadness, blocking tears from cascading down his cheeks, daring to break loose.

If there's one thing everyone knows about my brother, it's that he doesn't cry. Never, ever. The only ones that have seen his tears, at least that I know of, are me and Master Splinter. I don't know about the other dudes, I'm sure they have as well, but I'm not going to lie, I'm probably closest Raphie-Boy. Don't get me wrong, I love all my brothers to lengths no one has ever seen, but, I dunno, Raph's the only one I've actually talked with. I know him best, he's kinda my best friend. Sometimes, late at night, we just won't go to sleep, maybe racked with nightmares, or just can't seem to drift to wonderland, whatever the case, we just stay up all night, and simply, talk. Talk about our darkest fears, biggest wonders, secrets we vowed to ourselves to never tell anyone. Everything.

We can always feel that day when it's gonna be one of those nights, a spidey sense, if you must. We just know.

It's on those rare occasions, that I see Raphael Hamato cry. Maybe once or twice, and just a little tear.

So, to see him about to cry right now, really, truly, terrifies me.

I oblige to his pulls, and slowly climb up the stairs he has led me to. You'd think, that we would be headed to my room, but no, you would be wrong. Consequently, it would be logical, to think we were then headed to Raphael's room. Incorrect again, we passed his, just after Donnie's.

I couldn't fathom the reason, that after brutally beating the shit out of my older brother, that Raph would think it would be good idea for me, to then go visit his dorm. Very good, Raphael, why don't you just suffocate me in guilt, it'll probably lighten my spirits.

When we finally get there, after what feels like an eternity, I stop at his doorway. Just looking inside, to see his perfectly neat room, OCD written all over it in bright, red marker, I couldn't bring myself to go in. The guilt rides on to me in massive waves, relentless.

"Raph, please, I can't go in there."

"I know Mike, just trust me." I know Raph knows what he's doing, and exactly what I'm feeling, but there's no way in hell I'm going in there. To go in there, means remembering over and over and over again what a terrible, awful brother, and friend, that I am.

Leo's image becomes more frequent, not letting me go two seconds without the memory of his blood spread across the floor.

"Hello? Focus, Mikey." I realize I was spacing out.

"Sorry." I apologize.

"It's fine Mike, just come in here." his voice cold and hard, stubborn, like a freaking mule. I know Raph's not going to budge with this, but as I try to move my legs, they just won't oblige. I can't go in there.

"I.. I can't, Raph. There's… I'm.. No." I finally settle on just simply refusing to step foot in there, great battle tactic Mikey, that'll throw 'em for a loop.

"Michelangelo, if you don't have enough honor or courage to enter Leonardo's room, I don't know what kind of ninja you are." he said dead, monotone.

I was blown back. Here I was, thinking that maybe a little brotherly love was in order, but no, maybe some brute insults will be better.

"What?" I spat, surprised.

"You can't even go into your own freakin' brother's room, how would you think you were goin' to face him, in the flesh, back there? You were trained to be better than this."

I almost think this is a nightmare, like an actual dream. No way real-life Raph would say that, why don't they just disown me already. That's two for four family members in one day.

"You know, Raph, for a split second, I actually thought that you were maybe going to give me some wise words of wisdom, but no, that's absurd. Instead, why don't you call me an awful ninja, say I have no bravery, and that I'm an awful brother, yup, great idea, Raph. You know, I'm starting to wonder why you guys haven't kicked me out yet, considering about half the family already thinks I'm useless!" I raged, my voice gradually getting louder as the words continuously swam out of my mouth.

"Hey, at least my 'great idea' got you inside." he calmly replied. I didn't quite understand what he meant, until I looked around. As I was yelling out in my frenzy, I had subconsciously stepped into Leo's room, getting face to face with Raph.

I started looking around. There was a mural of a Japanese Pink Blossom Tree on his wall to my left, his "meditation station", as I like to call it, below it. His desk to my right, littered with pictures of all of us, Casey, April, LH, and all of our wacko friends. I see his futon, the weird substitution for a bed, with a light, blue, soft blanket, folded up on top of it. I look down, and see my feet standing on top of an intricately designed, Indian carpet, probably from South America, now that I think about it.

All these things, all these little extensions of Leo, surrounded me. The Bloody Leo was no longer just a flashing image, but all I saw as I dropped to my knees, and just let my self go.

My fists were balled up and on the ground as well. My cry wasn't a loud one. Tears just streamed down my cheeks, I didn't have any sound left in myself. A voice inside my head just kept repeating: "What a terrible brother. Can't even control your own anger? Pathetic."

And it was right, I was pathetic. What kind of ninja, or brother for that matter, couldn't hold his own temper enough to stop himself from beating his brother's lights out?

"Stop it." I look up to the stern voice of Raphael. "You ain't pathetic."

"What kind of brother…" Looking back down, I didn't even need to finish the sentence, Raph got what I was trying to say. But he didn't respond. I look up to see him holding a big metal box, big enough to hold 30 liters of water.

"The hell is that.." I ask, drained. I was so done with the antics. "Why are we even in here?"

When this happens, ever so rarely, Raph is always the one to calm me down, help me. He usually just takes me out on a walk topside, go to the highest building we can find, and just sit at the top. He doesn't say anything, and I? I just cry my freakin' heart out, and that's that. He hugs me, comforts me, he loves me.

Apparently, not this time.

He drops the box in front of me, with a loud clash. Inside, it sounds like a bunch of broken glass and metal.

"This? This, is humility. This, is humanity. This, Michelangelo, is balance."

I stared at him, 642% he had finally lost his marbles, "Raph, what in God's name are you-"

"Just look inside, Mikey." he said, annoyed, as if he was aggravated I wasn't understanding the meaning behind this box full of what seemed like broken junk.

Fed up, I open the top and peer down, to see not exactly what I expected. Inside, it was filled with, like I thought, broken glass, metal, anything delicate. But that's not all.

There were picture frames, torn up pictures as well, trophies (no idea where he got those), some of Don's inventions he never finished, dolls, clothes, flashlights, paper, journals, jars, candles, windchimes, toys, GameBoys, cell phones, everything! Anything that was in here, could be described in one word: broken. Hah, they kind of reminded me of my self, broken.

"What is all this..?"

Raph sighed. "Mike, you ain't stupid. You're not pathetic, you're not useless, you're not weak, an' you're _definitely _not a liability. You are human, or erm… turtle. You are a person, who is not perfect. You are someone who, like every, single damn person, has a limit. Everyone on this Earth, has anger, somewhere inside of them. It's when their limit has been reached, when the anger has been boiled to the brim, does it eventually show. And guess what? Sometimes, things aren't in our own control, believe it or not. I can't control the outcome of football games, or whether you'll beat me in poker, or if Masta' Splinta' will give us an hour extra of katas, or whatever."

He took a breath, and started again.

"As much as fate seems to prove this wrong, I have one belief in this God forsaken world. An' that is, that everythin' has balance. Whether it be bettin' on football games, or fightin' The Foot, in the end, everythin' gotta have balance, it just has to. It's the state in which the equalizers come, that make them different. Mikey, you are the stupidest, craziest, most giddy, moronic, scatter-brained turtle I know, but you're also the happiest. You got this flame inside of you, always there to remind people what they got to live for. In the darkest situations, that flame is our guide in light. Never-ending and bright. But, like I said, this world is of balance, yanno? So if you have all of this joy runnin' you up North, you can only go so high before you reach the stars. You need somethin' to ground you, Mikey. That temper? That's it. It may be tragic, it may be unstable, and heck, it's downright terrifyin', but that's what it is. That's your State of Anger. We all have one. And to see you so confused and wonderin' why this happens to you, beatin' yourself up and drownin' in guilt, really terrifies me, to see those emotions in ya. I can't protect you from them, no matter how hard I try. We all have them, even Leo, even Don, even me. Mine? Hah, mine's reversed I guess. You know those moments we have late at night? Those are mine, yanno, 'cause I got a 24/7 temper. Keeps me grounded, my equilibrium. Fact of the matter is, we don't have control over almost anythin', because in the end, it _won't_ _matter_. That's the big equalizer. When we're all dead and gone, no one's goin' to remember that sometimes, we just lose ourselves. In the end, we only have each other. In the end, we're all. Just. Equals."

I stared at my brother, dumbfounded, after hearing his words of wisdom.. I didn't even know Raph had wisdom. It's like he had been thinking of this forever, and now just took the moment to speak his mind, his true mind. As each and every word spilled out of his mouth, everything, as crazy and mad as it just sounded, started making more and more sense. I started running them over my head, the equalizers, the balance, my "flame" or whatever, the State of Angers. It just kept sounding crazier and crazier, but truer than it could take to form at the same time.

"Oh." Was all I could really manage. Yes, after Raphael monologues to me the secret of the Universe, I reply with 'oh'. Intelligent Mikey strikes again.

I look down again, at the big metal box, and realize I still didn't know why it was important. Raph must've caught on to my confusion, and spoke up.

"Ah, yes. This, Mikey, is Leonardo's equilibrium." he said, as he picked up a broken toy robot.

While simultaneously comprehending my brother's newfound IQ points, and trying to figure out how broken robot toys and glass represented Leo's "State of Anger", I dove deeper into the land of confusion.

"So this is Leo's State of Anger because…?"

Raphael sighed again, apparently agitated because it sounded like he was going to go into another soliloquy.

"Ever since Leo got back, I always kept hearin' him get up in the middle of the night, every few days or so. For the first few months, I just assumed he was gettin' up to piss, or was stuck on the South American track of time, and dismissed it. But after about three months, I realized that you don't just get up at 1:10 AM every, week, on the dot, to go pee. Leo's funky, but not _that_ funky. So about one or two weeks ago, I decided to follow him, figure out what the shell he's been doin'. At first, he was just joggin' through the sewers, God knows why, since it gets to be around 40˚ at night in there. Anyway, after about a half and hour, he went topside. I thought he actually might go off to fight some goons on the street…. Damn was I wrong. I hadn't noticed he brought a little sack wit' him until he got onto the top of a roof, and took it off, puttin' it to the side. I just laid back on a fire escape, 'cause Leo didn't look like he was gonna move off of that roof, an' I knew somethin' was about to happen, but I wasn't prepared for what did…" he trailed off.

He dug into the box, shuffled around in it, and picked up one of the broken frames, I was getting antsy.

"Well, what happened?" I was interested now.

"Well, first he kinda just stood there, walkin' around, pacin', lookin' all anxious. He started mumbling, from what I could hear, kinda like a madman. Started rubbin' his face, clappin' his hands together, if he had hair he woulda' been pullin' at it. I was startin' to get freaked out, when he finally went over to his bag. He pulled out what looked like a glass vase, from what I could see. Before I knew it, he chucked the thing on the side of the freakin' wall! Screamin' while he was doin' it. He picked somethin' else out, a toy or somethin' and chucked it again! It didn't quite break, so he picked it up and broke it apart, throwin' it down, and stompin' all over it. Screamin' all these things. Never have I seen Leo so angry and pent up, 'least since we was kids.. When you guys fought. He did this for a couple o' hours, just ragin'. Finally, at about 3:30, he quit. Just breathin', relaxin, he did somethin' weird. He started pickin' up the broken things he had thrown and torn apart-"

"Wait, so that's what this is? Why would he-"

"Well, if you let me finish, you wouldn't have to ask!"

"Sorry, sorry, go on then."

"Okay, so he brushed up the broken glass, put bigger shards in his bag, along with the broken toys and frames and all the rest. He packed up his bag, and dropped down into the sewer again. I went in about ten minutes after, not wantin' him to find out I was stalkin' him. When I got back, he was already in bed, so that mornin' I decided to, um… 'investigate'. To see if he really kept all that broken junk. Sure enough, after lookin' for like two hours, I found it, in a little cabinet/hole thing under his floor. I start lookin' through it, when I saw this.."

He turned the box around so his side faced mine, when I saw in big, black letters, was the word "WEAKNESS" written in all caps. I gaped at it, slowly realizing Leo must've seen this as a sign of failure or something, like he was ashamed that he had to let his anger out. That's when I made the connection: "This is Leo's State of Anger."

"Ding ding ding! Ah, you're learning well, young grasshopper." he said, smiling. "You see, Mike, everyone's got one. Every, single, damn being in this world, whether they be regular people, or giant, mutant turtles who are expertly trained in ninjitsu. We all got different states, an' sometime's, they ain't even anger, but it's always there. You can't control the world puttin' you back on balance, no matter how hard you try, like Mr. Perfection over here. You can't be ashamed of it, it'll kill ya, I learned that the hard way. And some day, Leo's gotta learn too…"

He paused, trying to look for more words.

"Look, Mike, what I'm tryin' to say, is that be the happy and proud guy you are, and when the world thinks you gotta stop, let it. We don't hate you for it, can't hate you for anything, no matter how hard we try. Ugh.. We love you, okay? I love you, Mike. That's what I'm trying to say here. I love you, and this state ain't gonna change nothin' about that. Oka-" but he couldn't get that last word out.

I had heard enough. Raphael had practically just poured his heart and soul to me, and I didn't even know how I could equal that. I just hugged him, so tight, trying to make him know how much what he just said meant to me. All I could say was one thing.

"Thank you."

"Hey, I'm your brother, Mike, no need to thank me." but not without adding, "but if you tell anyone, _anyone_, about this, your ass is grass." he ended with a dark smile.

I laughed, finally feeling some of the weight lift off my shoulders, "Yeah, yeah, I know."

I looked around, reminding myself of Leo again, and remembering, once again, that I had just

savagely beaten my brother, and an apology should probably be my next course of action.

"I think… I think I'm gonna go check on Leo now, I really need to see him."

Raph nodded at this, clearly understanding. "Yeah, I know. Go ahead, and tell him I said he's an idiot for me, k?"

"Haha, yeah I will. Thanks again, Raph."

"Anytime, kid."

I started walking out the door, when I quickly remembered something.

"Oh, and Raph? One more thing." I said, leaning out the door. He looked up.

"Yeah?"

"How much did you pay Donnie for those extra IQ points, 'cause I might wanna look into that.."

"Get outta here, Mikey!" he yelled, and threw one of Leo's candles at me, as I ran down the hall.

"Just wondering! Jeez.." I said over my shoulder.

I was finally back on my joy ride up to the stars…

**Did you like it? I know, really long paragraphs, and Raphael's "soliloquies". Raph was kind of, really out of character in this one, sorry about that. But I feel like he's got all this wisdom, and never tells anyone about it, and I wanted to indulge in his character. Anyways, this one was definitely my longest, tried to get as much as I could in it, wanting to build up Mikey and Raph's bromace. I think this is the end, I don't know what more to add. I really hope you guys loved it all, and again, thank you so much for any and all of the support you have given. As my fist fanfiction, I really didn't expect views or anything, and here I am now, with just below 500 views! Thank you everyone so much, this was such a great experience, and I can't wait to post more. See you all in a month! Love you!**

**-ThirteenColonies**


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